Whoamiwhatamiwhereamihowhavei

I'm outta here.

LFPerfectGirl PST Have Job thx

I also spilled a hot cup of beans on myself today. What other joys could be awaiting me?

I'm posting again which means, wah wah, something bad's happening. I really shouldn't complain; I mean, this isn't the first time the Resident She-vil in my life had to step forward and make us step backward but man, man oh fucking man, getting dumped is the pits. Yes, it was a good pipe dream, but it was still a good dream and I clung to it as tightly as she did. Up until... sometime yesterday, I suppose. I had this perfect something, sparkling all twinkly shiny-like in the distance. It was a goal, something to head towards, north by northeast, half-past the second star on the right.

And on til morning.

No, of course it wouldn't of worked. It wouldn't of been the most disastrous of partnerings, but it sure wouldn't be a smooth ride... and maybe sometimes that's what we need. Not to find a relationship that will get good with time, but to find one that works now, here, hi, hello, this is me and me am dump'd.

Forget counting your eggs before they hatch; this one was never laid. Forget crying over spilt milk; we were just buying the cookies.

Mmm. Oreos.

So, what. Here I am and there were were. And I truly thought this would work out...

How quickly we forget.

Who are we fooling anymore? When are the moments of bliss not enough? How long can we string together the quiet times in between the arguments? No, not arguments... reality. Distance and faded voices through plastic receivers wear at the luster, sanding it down thin around the veil of this illusion. I can handle distance in form but not in heart.... and, as I just learned, neither can I stand distance of mind.

Just like everyone else, huh? Just another lemming?

Let's be done with it.

Death Cab For Cutie

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

All work and no play makes JC a dull boy.
ll work and no play makes JC a dull bo
l work and no play makes JC a dull b
work and no play makes JC a dull
work and no play makes JC a dull
ork and no play makes JC a dul
rk and no play makes JC a du
k and no play makes JC a d
and no play makes JC a
and no play makes JC a
nd no play makes JC
d no play makes JC
no play makes J
o play makes
play makes
play make
lay mak
ay ma
y m

Go go gadget Catchup!

- A few weeks ago Nicole was out here to finalize the divorce. That went by blandly enough; she stepped out of the car without a goodbye Thursday morning and, zing bang boom, she's gone. As of July 11th in the Lord's year of 2007, I am officially divorced.

- The co-lead promotion thing at work has proven to be everything I feared; they're getting their best testers to do more work for the exact same amount of pay, leading them by their noses with the ever-so-tempting bait of money. I can't entirely complain, I suppose; it's another line or two for my resume and some definite life-experience, but it's getting pointless; I am getting loads of work and responsibility dumped on me without the slightest bit of direction. And let's not kid ourselves; I'm not going to be the one they choose. In all seriousness, I'm a good tester and a great social butterfly at work, but Cameron and Joel have what it takes to lead people. More power to them; they deserve it... now can I go back to being just a plain tester monkey again, kthxbai?

- In the next eight days I need to be moved out of my place in Cupertino and safely nested in an as-of-yet-confirmed home in Foster City, where I'll be living with 3 co-workers, 2 of which are lesbians. Great stories abound!

- I'm not single anymore again already. ^_^

See also: I've decided to shave my head again. So update #4 up there might be voided out soon.

Never knows best.

What does that mean? I have a few theories, but it's always interesting to hear other people's interpretations.

Is it saying that he who never does, never tries, never dreams and maybe even never gives up never living is the wisest? Is it a defeatist's philosophy, saying it's better to have lost and walked away than to never have loved to begin with?

Or is it perhaps that the abstract concept of never -itself- (Never?) lays silent at the bottom of our waiting, our pondering and our procrastination, silently judging us? That was a good movie. But then again, Never never made much sense.

There's some great underlying -something- that I just don't get. It's that snickering in the hallway, that initial quirk of the eyebrow, that second take. It's like there's some big joke that I'm not in on. Silly foreigner. Screw being misunderstood; -I- don't understand -you-.

It's the pause before you take a breath, it's looking up at the ceiling in the morning and wondering if it's worth the effort.

It's that great, missing... -something-.